Understanding Your Team Members: Introverts and Extroverts

by Abby Wilhelm

My friend, Andy Funt, dropped off the book Quiet by Susan Cain for me to read. Andy said that in my work as a leadership consultant and coach, I should understand how introverts process information, think and contribute. Susan Cain points out that introverts have so much to contribute as they tend to be deep thinkers, and too often meetings end without their ideas, which could be especially meaningful.  I was taken back that I was only gaining this insight at this stage in my career. Oh, do I wish I had understood her messages throughout my business career and my personal life.  Thank you, Andy, for bringing me Quiet. It is a very important read.

In a recent discussion with a friend of mine, Abby Wilhelm, during her visit to D.C., I was thrilled when she told me the story below, that she had learned in the summer following her junior year of college how to partner most effectively with someone who is an introvert.

I recently served as an Orientation Director at my college along with another student, Audrey. Audrey and I, among many responsibilities, met frequently throughout the summer with campus staff, faculty and administration to plan for New Student Orientation in August.

We knew from earlier conversations that I am an extrovert and Audrey is an introvert, but we did not know what that meant practically for these meetings until we started to realize that meetings were not running as smoothly as we would have liked. Being an extrovert, I was typically the first to fill pauses, to answer questions, and to direct the conversation—because that was how I best processed situations. Trying to be conscious of the fact that I was consuming most of the talking time, I would turn to my co-director during the meetings and ask her if she had anything to add. After a few times of doing this to her during meetings, she kindly asked me to stop. Initially, I was confused because I thought I was being considerate by giving her room to speak. What I did not realize is that because she was an introvert, she was processing things differently than I was and that it put her in uncomfortable situations when I forced her to speak on command.

In turn, we restructured our entire approach to meetings so that we could both contribute in our own unique ways. We set aside time before each meeting to talk about our goals and to discuss what topics we felt most comfortable addressing. We also set aside time after each meeting to review the talking points. We found that this approach gave me more boundaries as to when I should speak, and it gave her the opportunity to express her insight after she had time to think it over and process it. Not only did this make our meetings run smoothly, but it also helped us work more effectively as a team in other responsibilities. We appeared and performed much more unified when we took time to have conversations about our leadership styles.

About Abby Wilhelm
With a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science and International Studies and a minor in Communication. Her past year of work experience included being an Orientation Director for New Student Orientation and Interning at the White House in the Office of Presidential Correspondence. Abby Wilhelm is a Senior at Hope College in Holland, Michigan. She will be graduating in 2015.