These Are Principles of Highly Effective Leadership!

While this article differs from my normal short articles about the principles of highly effective leadership, I was moved when I read it and asked Al Ritter if I may distribute it to clients, friends, and others. Al is an accomplished leadership and team coach and consultant and author of the insightful book, The 100/0 Principle, which has benefited many in their business leadership.

I believe we all could benefit from this article as business is about relationships, as is life, and Al discusses his learning from his daughter, Ashley, that we treat people with respect and dignity, we greet people with a smile and with genuine care, with kindness, decency, and a loving heart, without judgment, and without a personal self-serving agenda.

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WHAT I HAVE LEARNED FROM MY DOWN SYNDROME DAUGHTER
She Makes You and Me Better People

I have learned more from my daughter Ashley than anyone I’ve ever known. She always operates out of her heart, not her head.  She has Down Syndrome, is now 39 years old, and has an IQ of about 40. Ashley is non-judgmental. She treats all people with respect, love, and dignity, whether deserved or not. She relates to everyone she knows and meets with grace and kindness.

The many lessons Ashley has taught me are probably best summarized as she never lets her head get in the way of her heart. In her 39 years, she has taught me a lot more than I’ve taught her. She teaches me that I should do whatever I can to accept other people, and in doing so, help make the world a better place. Ashley has propelled me into new ways of thinking, speaking and acting. More specifically, she has helped me:

• reduce destructive emotions, like anger and ego
• express gratitude more often
• remain positive, even in difficult circumstance
• be kind to others, even when they don’t deserve it
• be a better listener
• smile more often
• be patient in almost all circumstances
• love God and love my neighbor

SOME TRUE STORIES OF ASHLEY’S PROFOUND, POSITIVE
INFLUENCE ON ME AND OTHERS

On December 30, 1980, Ashley was born. Her positive influence on me began three days later. Before that, about a half-hour after her birth, the delivery doctor announced to me that “Ashley has Down Syndrome”. I went from ecstasy to despair in about a half-second, the only time in my life that has happened to me. For the next three days, I was so upset that I couldn’t eat, sleep or even make phone calls to family and friends about Ashley’s birth.

On my third sleepless night, I was sitting on my bed at about 3 am and remembered something a friend had said to me years before: “Al, if you ever have terrible grief over something, you can hand it over to Jesus–he will take the grief from you.” I sat up, asked Jesus to take my grief away, saw an outline of Jesus at the foot of my bed with his hands out, and I handed my grief to his accepting arms.

He immediately disappeared, and I immediately fell asleep for the first time in three days. When I woke up, I was a completely changed person. I have fully accepted Ashley ever since. I also became a churchgoer shortly after that day.

My learning: When things are really difficult, ask Jesus for guidance, even if you’re not a Christian at the time.

In 1990, Ashley turned 10 years old, and her heart-driven behavior became obvious. At that time, I was a senior vice president with Citigroup, when I was fired for “being too tough on my people”. Ashley’s heart-driven behavior helped me see the error of my ways, helped me shift my behavior, and helped me make a career switch to leadership coaching—to help leaders not make similar mistakes to mine. Between Ashley and John Wooden, the former coach of UCLA (who I met in 1990), I not only survived the firing, but my life was significantly changed for the better. The one word that accurately describes both Ashley and Coach Wooden is “love”.

My learning: For the first time in my life, I saw clearly how my ego got in the way of my effectiveness. In my subsequent leadership coaching of senior business leaders, I’ve observed that ego-driven behavior is the number one cause of leaders’ failure. The cure is to be emotionally intelligent, that is, to be aware of our ego, then consciously choose to instead operate out of our hearts with kindness and decency—or, as Ashley and Coach Wooden would say, act out of love.

In 1992, when Ashley was 12, she began teaching us how to worship God more effectively.
Every Sunday, during the hymns in church, while singing along with everyone else, she raised both arms above her head and looked up during the entire hymn.

My Learning: We are convinced that Ashley looked up and connected with God every time she did this. We began doing this too, as well as others in the congregation.  I can’t say we saw God, but we certainly worshipped Him more effectively.

In 1993, when Ashley was 13, she literally stopped a Cubs game at Wrigley Field. She and I were sitting in the first row about halfway between home plate and first base. In the third inning, I briefly turned around in my seat to talk to a guy sitting behind us. A few seconds later, when I turned back to watch the game, Ashley was gone. She had jumped the low fence and was running full tilt to first base. I immediately jumped the fence, ran after her and caught up with her just as she was stepping on the first base bag. The umpires immediately called time out, with big smiles on all their faces. I looked around, and all the infielders had big smiles too. I apologized to the first base umpire, then we ran back to our seats. A huge roar went up from the crowd, clapping and cheering by everybody for Ashley.

My Learning: Going on the field during a baseball game is illegal. However, even in that illegal action, Ashley warmed the hearts of everyone at Wrigley Field that day, and I must admit, warmed my heart too. I think it shows that heart-centered behavior can take place just about anywhere, in any circumstance.

In 1998, our family went to Hawaii and swam with four dolphins in a large pool run by one of the hotels. The lifeguards wouldn’t allow Ashley to enter the pool, telling me she could “scare” the dolphins. I kindly but firmly said that would not happen, that Ashley would get along well with the dolphins. After further conversation, Ashley was allowed in the pool. The four dolphins immediately swam to her, rubbed up against her, and for about 10 minutes couldn’t get enough of Ashley’s friendly touches and smiles. Upon seeing this, the entire crowd in the pool area clapped and cheered for Ashley. They had heard and witnessed the initial resistance to allowing her to enter the pool.

My Learning: Ashley taught everybody at the pool that day about the power of not pre-judging someone, especially if they look or act differently. Dolphins, and people too, rally around somebody who is pure of heart.

In 2000, when Ashley was 20, we placed her in Mount St. Joseph, a group home for women with disabilities in Lake Zurich, Illinois. She was required to have a one-month trial stay before she would be accepted as a full-time resident. When the month was up, my wife and I were invited to a meeting with the staff at Mount St. Joseph. During the meeting, they said to us “You must be very proud of Ashley. In the month she has been here, she has positively influenced the culture of Mount St. Joseph. She has brought kindness and decency to our organization. Of course, we fully accept her as a resident here.”

My learning: People rally around somebody who is pure of heart. Kindness and decency matter the most in virtually all circumstances.

In 2010, when Ashley was 30, I authored a best-selling book (over 400,000 copies sold), titled “The 100/0 Principle”, sub-title “The Secret of Great Relationships”. The book is about the positive power of you and I taking 100% responsibility for our relationships, expecting zero in return. The idea for the book was largely created by observing Ashley’s care and love for others. The book is dedicated to her.

My Learning: What Ashley has to teach us is truly important to many.

CONCLUSION
When we’re driven by our hearts more than our heads, great things begin to happen. Ashley is my model for this. She, and others like her, can be your model too. Ashley’s purpose is to see every moment as an opportunity to love others. She keeps her heart open to others.  She has no ego and no judgment. Although her IQ is only 40, she is a role model for all of us, a true angel in disguise. She treats all others with respect and dignity. She makes the world a better place.  Using Ashley and others like her as our guide, you and I can also make the world a better place.