Tell Me Something I Do Not Want to Hear

I wish I could remember who wrote the article suggesting leaders ask this question. “Please tell me something I do not want to hear.” I would certainly credit the author. When I read this, I immediately took note, and am totally in agreement with the value of this request.

We want to lead with humility and empathy, and it takes humility to want to hear how we and our team may improve. This signals our strength. We all, every one of us, have areas of potential improvement, and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and sincerely wanting to learn how we may be more effective is very important. It’s a path to success.

The higher up our position in our organization the less honest feedback we receive. People tend to tell us what they think we want to hear.

Sheila Heen, co-author of Thanks for the Feedback, offers an idea. Knowing that people are hesitant to deliver unfavorable feedback, and especially to those who may have positions above theirs, she suggests an approach. She suggests sharing with people with whom we work and trust that we are trying to improve, as we all should, and to ask them “Please tell me two things you feel I am doing well, and also two things you think I could do better.”

If they realize we are genuine, that we want their help and will not be defensive or angry, the pressure is off, and we will gain valuable ideas.

Of course, the request “Please tell me something I do not want to hear” will also lead to our gaining rich information, information that could well help us become better, be it our self, our team, our company.

The most effective leaders in business I have been fortunate to work with do not have big egos. They know they may be good at what they do, and they know they can be even better, and they seek honest and timely feedback.

Also, in a recent conversation with a pastor, he said everyone he greets after church says “Nice homily, Father”, and while he certainly loves seeing them, he wishes for feedback that could help him improve. He is genuinely striving to be as effective as he can possibly be as a priest/minister in serving his people.

Let’s embody humility, seeking honest and timely ideas for improvement. Let’s consider requesting selected people to “Please tell me something I do not want to hear.”