Practicing Self-Reflection Before Meetings

Recap of last week: the importance of self-reflection
Last week, we started exploring one very important quality, self-awareness, and one very important practice, self-reflection, of leadership. Specifically, we discussed why it is essential to have a plan as to when and how are we going to self-reflect. Making time and space for self-reflection is a challenge in today’s business climate in which we are all so busy and where we are already working endless hours because we are expected to do more with fewer people. And I don’t think I even need to explain how difficult it is to make reflective time amidst the constant flow of information through the Internet and other social-media mediums.

Our invitation last week was that we try to set aside a time each day (in the morning, during the day or in the evening) to spend at least five minutes quietly thinking about ourselves. We can ask:

• Who do I want to be?
• What are my values?
• What is most important to me?
• How am I helping others?
• What more am I capable of?
• How effective am I a as leader?
• How would I like to be received by others? How do I feel I am actually received by others?
• How can I be a better person?
• How can I be a more effective leader?

We need not address all of these questions, or similar questions, every day. What we do cover in our reflection will depend on the day, including meetings we attended, assignments we completed, and the interactions we had.

Self-Reflection in practice
Here’s a great story from a friend this week. She has just hired two new senior consultants to help with the work of her very successful consulting practice.

Prior to making her offers, she took the time to reflect in advance on each of the two meetings, each of which would be about two hours long. Her goal for each meeting was to have each consultant accept her offer to join her team and contribute in very meaningful ways for the firm’s clients.

She has high expectations for herself and for her team members. Through the meetings, she wanted these two candidates to understand her expectations and her drive to deliver great results for their clients. She wanted to convey that she can be demanding, on herself especially, and also on her team. This is her self-awareness at work!

After her meetings, we spoke about her approach to each candidate and why the discussions had gone so well.

In preparing for her meetings, she decided that yes, she had to let each candidate know her expectations and convey to them that at times she will have a demanding style because of her drive to deliver the highest quality advice and service to their clients, but that the meetings would not be about her, they would be about them!

My friend asked each of these consultants questions about themselves, their work styles and preferences, about how they wanted to communicate, how she could help them deliver their best work, and expressed that she was there to support them. Through listening to their responses, she realized that each of these consultants is not only very capable, they are very different and she will have to work differently with each, thus enabling them to be happy with their consultancy roles in the firm.

Bottom line: my friend let the candidates know her expectations and conveyed that she wants to help them to achieve great success. She asked them to specifically let her know what they need and want from her as their boss so that they may excel.

The secret to this story, which I am confident will lead to my friend and her two new colleagues having wonderful careers together, was the self-reflection she practiced in advance of her meetings. She asked herself what working relationships she wanted with these consultants, how could she support them and help them succeed, and how could she make the two meetings about them?

By the way, the story reminds me of another book, a new book by Bob Burg and John David Mann, the authors of The Go-Giver, a gem I’ve recommended many times. Their new book is titled It’s Not About You and is a quick and worthy read emphasizing the importance of focusing on others.

I will write more about self-reflection and self-awareness next week and, for now, I hope to leave you with these take-a-ways:

• Self-reflection is essential. Set aside time.
  
• It’s not about me.
  
• As a leader, focus on helping the other person(s) succeed and ask what they need, don’t assume.

Please feel free to share your stories with us. We’d love that.