Our Internal Relationships Matter, Greatly!

 

by John Keyser

“Good leadership is how we help people feel about themselves.” Cathy Becker

The goal of helping others become “their best selves” has been mentioned in several recent conversations, stories and programs. This principle is fundamental to highly effective leadership and prompts me to write this paper.

A priest, leading his people to live virtuous and happy lives, shared the following message: “The most effective way for us to influence and inspire someone is to develop a relationship with that person and to be a role model, so the person respects our values and our way of being and wishes to follow our example.”

Being a successful servant leader and a role model of a life well lead is far more effective than telling someone, “Here’s how you should develop effective relationships,” or, “Here’s how you should live.”

Sounds simple. So why does research tell us that about 50% of the people in business feel they do not have a productive working relationship with their manager?

Yet, it can be simple, for example, key principles are:

• Inspire, encourage, teach, mentor and coach others.
• Attitude is everything – know that we have a responsibility to treat others with respect and kindness, and to help them learn, grow and succeed.
• Give timely and honest feedback – positive and also constructive, areas of potential improvement. That is what people want from their managers.
• Have humility! We are no better and no worse than anyone else.
  Leadership can be simple. That is why I’ve named my coaching and consulting practice Common Sense Leadership.

It’s the relationships we develop with our team members that enable us to have a positive influence.

Certainly there is a place for email, to distribute information efficiently – just know that it is conversations, not emails, which create the path to quality relationships that are founded on respect and trust.

We need to get out of meetings, go visit with our team members and engage them in conversations, asking purposeful questions and listening to learn and understand. The best ideas are bottom up ideas!

Just imagine the rich information we’ll receive if we ask our people:

• How could we improve our communication?
• What could be our competitive advantage?
• What gets in the way of doing your best work?
• How could I be more helpful to you?
• What do you think should be our priorities going forward?
• What should we be trying to make happen in the next 6 months?
• What advice do you have for me?
• Take notes. It helps us remember and it is a sign of respect. People want to be heard and to feel that their ideas matter. They will appreciate being asked, and they will have helpful ideas!

So, out of meetings, out of our offices and let’s go be with our team members.

“Leaders understand the ultimate power of relationships.” Tom Peters