Moms (and Dads) Need to Message with Confidence During the Birth of Their Child

A few weeks ago, I wrote a short article about Growing in Confidence, which was based on the story of a successful woman’s career, how she overcame her lack of confidence and stepped up into important roles in the corporate world and became an effective leader. 

The article generated some appreciative feedback, that it was helpful and timely. One response was from Lulu Gonella.

Lulu is an exceptionally capable leadership and executive coach. For the past two years, she has been engaged by Ernst & Young (EY) to coach mothers who are expecting the birth of a child and face the issue of transitioning to becoming a working parent. She also coaches the fathers, as well, as they too have the challenges of their career and their strong desire to be with their new born and growing children at key times.

First, let’s applaud EY for their leadership in helping their people with their family needs. EY certainly embodies forward thinking leadership and recognizes the value in supporting new parents as they experience a major life transition.

Lulu explains that there are numerous keys to continued success for parents during the birth of a child and the months following, and that it all begins with messaging – messaging before, during and after birth of the baby.

The mom needs to convey to her manager and other higher ups, as well as to her teammates, that she remains “all in” regarding her work and career with the company. She’ll need the three, four or six months of maternity leave, whatever the company’s policy is, and must rightfully focus on her baby. She may choose not stay in touch with the office, though she would certainly want to be informed of critically important news or emergency. The office could text her and she will respond when able.  Lulu often suggests that new moms (and dads) connect a few times during their leave with their supervisor or someone on their team with whom they share a close relationship just to reconnect and check in.  The purpose is not to get pulled into work issues, but to hear the water cooler talk so as not to return to work and feel like a new hire or a stranger.  

Then, as the time to return to work nears, the mom needs try to avoid the all too common inner-voice, that she will be an imposter at the office because of her absence during the birth and the maternity time following, that their clients do not miss her, and other negative thoughts. 

This need not be the case at all. She can continue to do excellent work and be an important contributor to the company’s success. 

She will need flexibility and boundaries to do so and she should stand tall with confidence as she explains her needs so she may excel in her business career. She will need flexibility of her hours to be home to feed her baby and put her/him to sleep. This time with her baby must be sacred. She should explain that she will not be checking email during this sacred time, though of course if there is an emergency, to text her and she will figure out a way to be there to help with the resolution.

She well may need flexibility as to days in the office and days when she can work from home. 

Travel can be an issue, as well. The mom cannot be gone for days on end. If necessary, perhaps she can make a trip with limited overnights. This will likely depend on her circumstances, e.g., her husband, other family, a nanny. 

In some circumstances, she may well need internal work with no travel demands for some period of time.

Success depends on attitude – the mom’s confidence in herself to know that she is capable and will get her work done if given the flexibility needed – and a company that understands that moms are exceptionally capable and valuable team members, that they are capable at multi-tasking, will be appreciative of the trust and flexibility granted to them, and will do their very best to live up to the understanding and trust given to them.

For all of us, our success depends to a large extent on our conversations. It is especially important for an expectant mom to have the confidence to speak with her manager and team members and explain that she intends to do great work, help her team and company succeed, and that they can count on her if they allow the flexibility she needs. 

Lulu offers that it is all about messaging, having these essential conversations so expectations are understood.

Dads, too, need the flexibility to be home for feeding and putting the baby into her/his crib, often to pick up from day care or to get the nanny home. Again, it’s about the messaging. The dads need to have the conversations about what they need so they may do their very best work and can be counted on to contribute to the success of their team and company.

Mothers are especially capable and reliable team members. They have humility, are selfless, and want to serve others, as all leaders should! Happy employees do better work!