Leadership is about Our Relationships

While business is complicated, and managing our time is challenging, I do believe that leadership is basic; it’s common sense; it’s about our earning the respect of our people and continuing to earn relationships founded on trust.

Early in my career in New York City, I attended a Dale Carnegie training program and found it very helpful. The two fellows who taught our program were amazing. I was totally taken by their quiet confidence, poise and ability to communicate.

Here I am many years later, now a leadership consultant and coach. I am an ardent believer in reading leadership books like Carnegie’s enduring classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People, which was published in 1937 and still holds true!

Like most people, I love the theory that simple is good. That’s exactly what How to Win Friends is, the basics of leadership, and it makes so much sense. In fact, I fervently believe it makes even more sense today than when it was written 84 years ago. I’ll mention below some of the “golden rules” that are Mr. Carnegie’s principles. These were keys to success then, always have been, and just think how vital they are now in our crazy busy world when so many, unfortunately most, senior managers are nearly constantly in meetings, on their computers, conference calls, in conversation in the C-suites, and maybe now traveling again.

What would I like to see? As people return to working in their company’s offices, I’d like leaders to be intentional about having conversations with their internal clients – the people in their company – doing the work of their company – all the people, not just with other senior executives. And I encourage leaders to check in with those working remotely, and not just by email or text. Pick up the phone. Conversations are way more important and effective than emails.

To be very successful consistently, year after year, leaders must make conversations a top priority. Quality conversations that treat each person as a teammate and show a genuine interest in them and their well-being.

• Conversations are the work of a leader, and 
• Leadership is one conversation at a time.

Think about these golden rules offered by Dale Carnegie (and these are just some examples). By embodying these, we’ll cultivate enthusiastic organizational cultural and a winning team.

• Don’t criticize or complain
• Give honest, sincere appreciation
• Be genuinely interested in other people
• Remember and call people by their name
• Be an attentive and interested listener
• Encourage others to talk about themselves, and do a great deal of the talking
• Help others feel important, and do it sincerely
• Show respect for another person’s opinions
• Begin in a friendly way
• Use encouragement
• Let people think the ideas are theirs
• Try to understand what others think and their reasoning

To me, these are the ABCs of leadership, the fundamentals. If we abide by these principles, with sincerity, because we genuinely care about our people and are not self-absorbed, those on our team will very likely look up to us and be motivated to do their very best work, going the extra mile when needed. Happy employees do better work!

We must bear in mind the importance of asking open-ended questions, asking people for their ideas, opinions, input, and feedback. We’ll learn a lot, gain great ideas, and our people will feel appreciated. This is very much of a success factor as the best ideas are bottom up ideas!

There is also the very effective approach of leadership by questioning. For example, when someone asks what action we should take, ask that person what she recommends and why. Leadership by questioning helps our people learn and grow. And isn’t that our responsibility as a boss, as a leader?

Recently, while reading a paper, I highlighted

• A manager likes to talk, a leader likes to listen, and
• A manager thinks first about numbers, while a leader thinks first about people.

I hope these golden rules ring true to you, as they do for me, even more so many years after Carnegie’s debut in my life.