Leaders Listen Intentionally

by John Keyser

In my work as a leadership coach I have had conversations with more than a thousand businesswomen and men, often asking what they want and need from their manager. I am particularly interested to know if they consider their manager a leader.

The most frequent responses I hear are:

1. They want their manager to listen to them.
2. They wish he or she would ask for their ideas.
3. They want to feel that their ideas matter.

How do we address this? We have conversations. As the insightful Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations says, “Conversations are the work of a leader.” So true! And to be effective, our conversations must be genuine.

This means that we as leaders must be “present” – not looking at our smart phones, not multi-tasking. We must remember that even brief conversations are important and motivating. And so we must commit to spending less time in meetings and more time with our people, asking about their work, their ideas, and how we might help. We must put aside our phones and focus with purpose: to listen to understand and learn. What is our team member saying, or not saying, what is she/he feeling – and why?

This is intentional listening, and it is an essential leadership skill. We all need to learn to listen with a quiet mind, to let our thoughts subside, or picture them floating out of our heads. We quietly focus on the other’s words, without judging or preparing our response, or anxiously waiting for our turn to talk.

No, we must be fully focused on the other person, ideally listening with comfortable eye contact, offering affirmations so she/he knows we are listening and that we care. If we take brief notes during or after conversations, we show that we are listening – and we can track ideas and progress. It is certainly not easy to be a good listener. Most of us are not, because, we naturally have problem-solving minds. Yet skilled listeners are highly effective leaders. Why? Because intentional listening engages our team members and energizes our culture!

Improved listening will be achieved if we commit to it, with a strong desire to do so, and to practice it each day. Perfect practice makes perfect. And what gets measured gets improved.

Two tips from leaders I greatly admire: Sue Mahanor of Berkley Life Sciences always comes around her desk and sits alongside someone in her office to have a conversation. Christine LaSala of Willis now, when asked how she inspired a Johnson &Higgins office of 1,200 people to superior, best in field results, said she did it with conversations, a great many conversations, every day.

My hope is that we will all try to make improving our listening skills a top priority. It will mean so much to our team members and other colleagues.

I absolutely promise you, everyone needs to feel appreciated and heard. As leaders, our intentional listening is critically important! It’s a difference maker!