It Is Okay to Cry at Work

 

by John Keyser

I just read an insightful article by Dr. Deanna Minich that validates an issue I have felt strongly about for years: it is okay to cry at work. I have always believed that if someone breaks down under stress and cries, so what? He or she may be embarrassed, and yet I offer that there is no reason to be. Let’s just accept that this happens at times and see what we can learn from it.

Dr. Minich points out that crying can come from anger, frustration, sadness, worry, as well as happiness, empathy and other feelings. I absolutely admire deep feelings. When we show how we feel, we reflect our transparency and authenticity. We show “who we are.”

We know that generally women are more outwardly emotional than men. Men tend to suppress their emotions, perhaps to show strength and mental toughness. Yet when we suppress our feelings, we may not realize it, but we are putting up a wall between us and the people we are with, according to Dr. Minich. We are not genuine about how we feel and are thus stoic. This can make us appear distant or that we don’t care.

Furthermore, when men suppress emotions, pressures can build up to the point that they may lose their cool and erupt in anger, lashing out and making insulting statements to others. This has the unfortunate result of damaging others’ trust and confidence, which, over time, undermines the success of the team.

In previous articles and webinars, I have recommended that if people feel they may be close to tears or an angry outburst, and they do not want to lose their composure, they should simply excuse themselves for ten minutes. And then do what is needed to get themselves settled, perhaps a quick walk or listening to music. Taking time out for yourself when you are stressed models self-awareness and self-respect, both of which are key emotional-intelligence strengths that lead to success in business.

In my mind, being emotional is just a natural part of who we are – it shows we are human, that we care about what we are doing and that, in fact, it matters a great deal to us. This is a powerful message to our teams. For example, if someone can cry, recover their composure and come back to express how important the issue is to them, then they are demonstrating admirable honesty and resilience. They are also showing that it is okay to care deeply about one’s work and team.

The business world is changing. People are becoming more authentic. Emotional intelligence is seen as a strength. We just need to understand our tendencies when under stress, frustrated, or angry. With this self-awareness we can anticipate difficult situations and plan how we respond, with conscious actions.

Self-awareness is critical – to us as leaders, to our team members and to our other colleagues.  This is how we improve! The keys to self-awareness are self-inquiry, honest contemplation and asking for unfiltered feedback. Too often, we surround ourselves with the same people and do not look at our impact on others. Are we fully present and aware when we are with others?

Let’s remember that every business is a people business. Relationships matter! All too often, though, we may focus on client relations and not on our internal relations. If we remove ourselves from our teams, if we stifle our emotions and we are stoic and unapproachable, we do not help morale. Quite the contrary!

Our teams need to see us as human. If something upsets us and we take a moment to understand why, we have an opportunity to connect with our people. If we share how we feel, we show who we really are. If we show our passion about our work, we inspire others to do the same. This has a powerful effect on our teams. It is how we create trust and mutual respect, a firm foundation for strong internal relationships.

These emotional intelligence strengths matter! They help morale, our organizational culture and the spirit of our people. Let’s not hide our emotions, let’s learn to express them well and connect with our team members!