How We Speak Matters, A Lot

While on an airplane this spring, I read an article in Executive Travel Magazine by Stephanie Bickel of Speak by Design, a firm in Chicago. I don’t know her, but agree with her premises and so I tore out the article and kept it for future reference.

Bickel’s principle is that a strong, confident voice with clear articulation says:

• We are used to positive situations and outcomes.
• We are comfortable with others and ourselves.
• We are leaders.

While there could be exceptions, I do believe that is generally true. To have this command of speaking is a huge advantage in just about every situation.

Most of us do not come by this voice naturally, so what do we do to develop it? Like anything else, we set our sites on improving, decide on a plan, and we practice, we observe. We practice more.

Bickel says, and I concur, practice with every opportunity. Not simply at work, but also when we are out and about, maybe running errands. How do we speak and come across to the check- out clerk at the supermarket, at the pharmacy, in the parking garage, Barnes & Noble, the library, with our children’s teachers, really with everyone around us.

The article contains several excellent, helpful tips, for example:

• Stand and sit up straight and tall.
• Speak conversationally, from person to person.
• Relax our jaw, which creates more space in our mouth.
• Amplify our voice.
• Treat our listener as a friend.
• Genuinely care.
• Recognize that each conversation is important – very important.
• Do not be too casual. We want our listeners to feel they are important to us.
• Listen intently.
• Use pauses and silence, which shows respect, allows time to think.
• Avoid superlatives, e.g. always, never, and others.
• Simplify the message. Short is good.
• Speak slowly, clearly. Do not tail off.

To me, strong eye contact is also critically important. Jan Fox, a former television reporter and anchor and now National Partnership Manager of Billy Casper Golf,  says we can learn a lot from Angelina Jolie. Fox says “the actor’s eyes jump off magazine covers at the grocery store and follow us all the way down the aisle.

Notice the intensity the next time you pass those magazines. That is what you want the listeners to feel…that you are gazing into their souls to really get to know them.

And we can learn something from the Jolie’s mouth. In most photos of her, it is actually closed!

That is the simplest way to stop UMs and ERs and other annoying verbal pauses that detract from your message. When you get to the end of a sentence, just simply shut your mouth. An UM can’t slip out when your mouth is shut. Say your sentence. Stop. Think. Then start the next sentence. Your listeners won’t notice your slight pause, but they will notice all those UMs. This will take a lot of practice.

Shutting your mouth also helps you really engage the listener. You can deepen the encounter and the discussion by asking a question, ideally an open-ended question.”

Speaking well, impressing with confidence, comes naturally to some. Not to me. Not to most of us. It takes work, practice, self-awareness, and again, more practice. Think about all the leaders and motivators in your life. They speak using Bickel’s principles. That tells you that how you speak is important!

My call to action this week:

Let’s make up our minds, whether we are CEOs, high level executives, or up-and-comers, that we want to be perceived as strong, quietly confident, and caring leaders. Our speaking one-on-one, in small group conversations, and in meetings matters. Let’s reflect on how we come across to others and commit to pay attention and to practice, observe, and practice some more.