Growing in Confidence

We wish there were a magic pill to help our team members with self-confidence. Often in our work, we wish we could help our colleagues realize that they are enough, in fact they are intelligent, knowledgeable, and a beacon of encouragement and inspiration to others; they are a gift to others. Nonetheless, they may not feel that and may sell themselves short, often hesitant to contribute their ideas, volunteer to take on more responsibilities, or step up into important leadership roles.

A strong and caring leader shared with me that for many years in her career, she, in fact, struggled with her confidence, and I feel her story could be helpful to others.

She grew up in a family which was not especially nurturing. She was picked on in school for not being one of the “cool” kids. As a result, she felt she was not smart nor good enough.

Unfortunately, her career began with managers who were not encouraging and did not help her learn and grow. While her low self-confidence continued, she began to feel that she was better than she was being viewed by the senior people in these companies. She committed to herself that she was going to prove that she was.

She found it was helpful to her self-esteem not to shy away from conversations with people who were more senior to her. The more conversations she had, the more comfortable she became. In these conversations, she asked questions, questions that were relevant to their business and its success. In doing so, she began to feel better about her capabilities – and that she did belong!

Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations, refers to this as “showing up”, being fully present and engaged; in essence, “coming out from behind our self.”

Fortunately, another manager, who while tough, was much more positive, encouraging, caring, and helpful than her previous managers.

She did not mind tough. She welcomed accountability, as virtually all capable people do.

This manager would ask what she wanted to achieve, and then with a smile, explained the high but achievable expectations of her and left her alone to achieve these goals. She felt her manager’s trust.

As she continued to think better about herself, she worked hard, as always, and now volunteered for significant assignments, took advantage of opportunities for important conversations, and she attentively observed good leadership practices as well as poor practices. This helped her a great deal when she stepped into management positions herself. She knew the importance of being positive, encouraging, helpful, and having regular one-on-one conversations with her team members. She set high expectations for herself and for her people.

She learned the importance of knowing and analyzing the facts and to never try to bluff it.

A turning point she remembers well was when she realized she had made a mistake on a financial analysis and she immediately let the people involved know. She apologized as she explained her mistake and the solution.

In the past she would have said “I’m sorry” over and over again. Everyone makes mistakes. We must own up to our mistake and learn from it.

And with her new confidence, if asked a question, she could say she does not know the answer, would learn it and report back.

As she shared the story of her career with me, I especially admired how she realized and committed to:

• Not selling herself short
• Asking the important questions
• Having significant conversations
• Always being prepared
• Learning to help others and to trust them
• Being likeable
• Dressing appropriately as she advanced
• Trying to be early, always

In addition to her work, she is an active volunteer in her community and her church, and she easily makes new friends – and is always positive, optimistic, and with a genuine smile.

She grew from someone who lacked confidence to a highly respected and successful leader.