Attitude Is Everything

by John Keyser

I had the fortunate opportunity to attend a book signing and discussion by Ashley Merryman last week. She is the co-author of Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing.

Ashley began her discussion by singing both parts of the duet from a song, “Anything You Can Do” from the Broadway musical, Annie Get Your Gun.

The song features a man and a woman trading the two messages: “I can do it better than you” and “No you can’t.”  Ashley’s point was that the “No you can’t” message is the louder message, and that allowing this message into our inner voice can be very limiting.

How Women and Men View Competition and Failure
According to Ashley’s research, which is consistent with studies I have read, women, in general, tend to calculate the odds of success before competing for a position or assignment. Often self-doubt can prevent them from even applying. This fear of failure is how that limiting voice inside our heads saying, “No you can’t” manifests itself.

While women tend to undersell themselves, men, in general, do the opposite. They can be overconfident and oversell themselves. With men, an opportunity to compete doesn’t mean, “What if I fail?” It means “Game on!” Yet research confirms that women are more thorough, pay more attention to details, and usually develop a better work product than men.

Women also tend to take a set back in business personally. For example, if a woman fails to get a job she wanted, she may view that outcome as a failure. A man would likely react to the same setback not with a feeling of failure, but rather by feeling he should have received that job. He will also likely get over it quickly and move on looking for the next opportunity.

Similarly, women tend to view failure as a reflection on them, not as an opportunity from which to learn and build. For many men, failure is not a big deal; they’ll get it right next time. Because of a hesitancy to be viewed as a disappointment, women tend to under promise with the intent to over deliver.

For Women and Men: Inner Confidence and Humility Make the Difference
Ashley said that 70% of senior executives in large companies played competitive sports, and that clearly seems to have been an advantage.

Isn’t it really inner confidence that is the advantage?! That is, inner confidence coupled with humility. This means saying to yourself, “Yes, I am good at what I do, and I know I can be better” and having the inner confidence to dedicate yourself on continuous improvement and “Go for it.” An athlete in competition embodies an attitude of, “I’ll make this shot, I can do this.” That attitude certainly helps in business.

What if you are not coordinated, are not an athlete? So what, we can still walk like an athlete, stride purposefully into a room, stand straight, dress for success, comfortably look people in the eye and convey a can-do attitude.

Let’s recognize that this is not a gender issue. There are a great many exceptions to the degree of inner confidence of both women and men.

Let’s appreciate our gifts and our strengths, be givers, help others, and earn the respect and appreciation of our colleagues.

I appreciated and learned from Ashley’s discussion, which validates my belief that our attitude is everything. If we are comfortable with ourselves, are willing to muster our inner confidence, and are committed to do our best, we will be successful in our business and our leadership.